Journey outside “the cemetery”
Calling the comfort zone a cemetery maybe harsh, but honestly very fitting. The only benefit is it that it is secure, silent. But staying in a cemetery for prolonged periods of time takes a toll on ones sanity, as the place sucks out every last drip of joy, and makes one question everything. It actually forces you to find an inner source of joy so that you don`t run dry.
But exactly for these reasons I have stayed in my own little comfort zone for quit some time now. Working through difficult past experiences, re-engineering my foundation and rebuilding myself ground up has been the focus of past years. Most of it quiet introspection, figuring out past pain and laying it to rest. Figuring out motivations of my actions and adjusting them, so there is no pain driving them. I could see how the actions of my grandparents directly influenced my parents and through them the way I was raised. It was weird because, at first I wanted to blame everyone else, and then there was a point where the blame game just fell apart, because it is evident that all of the ones who came before me did their best with what they had. It kinda lifts a load of the shoulders, but puts responsibility back on them. A responsibility for those who will succeed me, to give them the best starting point I can.
So I guess it is time to come out the comfort zone. I have a list of things and dreams I never followed up on because, I felt to small, not ready, stupid, and I even now I could argue that those claims where and to some extent still are relevant. But then again at this day and age they don`t have the power to hold me back any more.
I will probably reflect some more on my inner journeys in later blog posts. I think there are finds there that may be useful to others as well.
Have a great day!